She's the barista slut.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
