I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
