It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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