wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
