it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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