just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
