I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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