woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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