She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
