Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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