dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
