i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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