She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
