Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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