shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
