I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
