I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
