Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
