just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
