is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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