mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She bit a glass in half.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
