Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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