with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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