hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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