Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
did you just send me my own nude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
These tits shall not be calmed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
