youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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