just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
