Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories

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(410): View more from Maryland

just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

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(727): View more from Florida

You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

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(319): View more from Iowa

just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...

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(972): View more from Texas

If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.

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