I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
