I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
