If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
