ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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