I will die if light touches me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
