Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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