ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
