I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
