You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
