Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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