What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
