So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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