i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
