I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
