i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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