Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
