I need help removing her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
