I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
