I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I want a musical about memes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
