It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
