I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
