:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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