I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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